July 2009

When my friend, Laura, a retired teacher, told me she used to start her classes with joke-telling, I was puzzled. The jokes didn’t even have to be funny for everyone to laugh, she said, because they were all instructed to laugh anyway. In fact, not getting the joke was in itself funny – and the infectious laugh of thirty kids had the classroom in an uproar. She didn’t say how long the hilarity lasted, but she did say that when they couldn’t laugh any longer, they were ready to get down to work.
Laura felt that laughter brought her class into a cohesive whole. She and her students shared something they couldn’t explain – a feeling, a moment, a common bond. It seemed to add a dimension of fellowship that made them feel safe in each other’s presence. So I wondered what effect it would have on families if they started each day by gathering around the kitchen table with everyone instructed to laugh whether they felt like it or not. Then at dinner time, each person could tell how the laughter affected their day.
Recent research has something to say about the healthful effects of laughter. It uplifts, it brightens one’s outlook, it strengthens the immune system, it’s good for the heart. (Check it out on your computer and see for yourself the research on the effects of laughter.) In a world so filled with worry and stress, laughter can be a life saver – and a way to savor life. Personally, I love to laugh and I love to make other people laugh. It is one way I connect with others – and it’s just fun, plain and simple.
Laughter helps us lighten up! Through we want to take our job of parenting seriously, we don’t have to take ourselves too seriously. If we accept that parenting is on-the-job training, and we’re all going to make mistakes (which are usually made inadvertently anyway) laughter can help us keep things in perspective. It helps us take our mistakes in stride, not worry about them, and apologize for them (which gives our children opportunities to practice forgiveness.) If we learn from them, we can relax and keep moving forward. And we keep moving toward better parenting when learn from each mistake so that we don’t keep making the same ones over and over.
Like most parenting issues, or life in general, there’s always a downside to consider. So even laughter has its drawbacks. Laughter can be a cruel and hurtful put-down when it is aimed at a person’s differences – the way they look, or sound, or think, or feel. Much of today’s humor targets differences, making people laugh at disabilities or weaknesses. Stinging sarcasm hides behind “I was just kidding,” and harsh satire passes for wit when it is just another attempt to denigrate and belittle an individual or a group of people.
Some television stand-up comics add to the atmosphere of humiliation and the end result for the audience is desensitization. Then they can laugh without having to feel sympathy or compassion for anyone. The new term, “compassion fatigue” grew out of the excessive amount of suffering in the world. And the instant and persistent coverage of misery in the media turns people away from feeling sad or helpless or frustrated.
It is particularly appalling when parents laugh at, not with their children. Sure, youngsters do cute and adorable things and we can’t stifle a good-natured giggle no matter how hard we try. But laughing at children when they are crying, or hurt, or embarrassed can leave an indelible mark on their self-image. Never, never should children be ridiculed by being laughed at. Neither should husbands and wives. We need to monitor what children watch on television and the internet.
Watch with them and talk about the harm of derisive laughter whether it is in the audience, the comedian, the cartoons, or in their interactions with other children. Laughter is a gift when it is healthy and shared and of good will. When used to hurt, it is a torment.

< Prev		Next >