Sep
05
Sunday
| April 2009 |
 |
 |
| Baltimore's Child | |||
|
April 2009 It’s Spring – that wonder-filled graphic reminder of renewal when everything around us, every pale green tree and budding shrub announces another beginning. It is the season of hope and promise. Despite these troubling times, or because of it, it’s a perfect time to think about filling our children with the spirit of Spring. Let’s see how we can give them hope for the future and faith in themselves to handle whatever life hands them. What better symbol of resiliency than Spring? What better gift for their lives than resiliency? Our journey through life is a bumpy road for some, and an obstacle course for others – fraught with sadness, disappointment, frustration, physical pain, anger, loneliness, insult, loss, you name it. How do we human beings survive such suffering and thrive in spite of it? And how do we help our children develop that kind of resiliency? How can we empower them to navigate through the countless casualties that are headed their way? How do we help them develop courage and faith in themselves? How do we instil in them hope and optimism and the ability to gain mastery over the troubles they will encounter? How do we help them build a “can-do” spirit? Each child reacts to stress according to his and her particular sensitivities. Even at an early age, some children show a natural ability to handle difficult episodes in their lives while others tend to feel defeated from the start. But laid back, or tense, every child needs help in learning how to be resilient. They need to see what faith in oneself looks like, how it plays out in situations, how it helps to build courage to face the next problem. Like every other lesson you want to teach, it starts with you. It does not begin with the words you use; it begins with your own deeply-held feelings and attitudes. When you are faced with a setback, your children will watch to see how you handle it. The “work” of childhood is to study us constantly to see how to be, how to handle a situation, how to react, how to recover from the impact, how to go on afterwards. They need to see what they are supposed to do and how to do it. One way or another, your young children are affected by your reactions. Some may absorb and imitate your response to stress; others may go to the opposite extreme, and still others fall somewhere in the middle. For example, a child who sees her stressed-out parent “fall to pieces” might learn to react to stress as a helpless victim. Another child in the same situation might feel he should tough it out and take risks to prove he is brave (braver than his parent was) and other children in that situation could grow up without developing appropriate responses altogether. Expressing fear and despair in a crisis sends children a message of hopelessness. On the other hand, I know of parents in a sudden financial downturn, who assured their children that as long as they are together, they will handle whatever comes their way. No, it doesn’t pay the bills, but those children have a sense of security even when dinner is only a bowl of corn flakes. So what blocks children from developing resiliency? Harsh and frequent criticism for wrong-doing will drain their trust and confidence in themselves to deal with the rough times and tough issues. And what will foster resiliency? Your children will develop the “can-do” attitude when you praise them for what they can do instead of scolding or punishing them for what they didn’t do. Your good example of having faith in yourself to handle life’s difficulties and your inner strength and courage will show them “the how” of resiliency. Your constant support, encouragement, faith in their abilities, and affectionate love will give them a positive picture of themselves which they will need to get through the hard times. When they feel good about themselves they will trust that they can handle life’s stresses and strains. Lastly, children need us to have faith in their ability to handle the hard times. As long as they have compassionate parents who will stand by them when they need support and encouragement, they will learn how to survive whatever comes their way and thrive in spite of it all. Can there be a more important or lovelier gift than the spirit of Spring?
|
