So the presidential election is over and I can't help but wonder how people are reacting to the outcome. Mainly, I wonder (as you've probably guessed) how parents' reactions affect their children. Since children absorb attitudes from the people closest to them,

I'd like to know what the youngsters are taking in. For example, are the "winners" modeling graciousness by conceding that the opposition had something of value to contribute to the public dialogue on crucial issues? Are the "losers" gracious enough to roll up their sleeves, accept the newly-chosen government and work with it? Are people on both sides now speaking about what is good for the country instead of just thinking in terms of what is good for their party? What are the children learning?

In his book, "When Teachers Face Themselves," Arthur T. Jersild states that rejoicing in the success of others is as much a part of compassion as sharing their unhappy moments. Imagine that! My friend Cheryl Phillips, an extraordinary early childhood educator, introduced a charming technique to her pupils that would teach them how to have this kind of compassion. It went like this: whenever a child expressed an idea, or gave an appropriate answer, Mrs. Phillips, along with the rest of the children sent off imaginary fireworks. They did it by slapping one hand against the other, then letting it continue upward high above their heads like fireworks blasting off. Then with fingers on both hands wiggling downward as if they were the sparks that fall after the big display, the classroom erupted in a chorus of giggles for the fun that it was. The exercise ended with a shower of words of appreciation, affirmation, and admiration.

What were Mrs. Phillips' pupils learning from such an exercise? They learned how to celebrate the successes of their peers, despite their pangs of jealousy. They practiced a spirit of generosity and saw their peers as friends instead of adversaries. They learned how to appreciate the thoughts and feelings of others and had the comfort of knowing that others were concerned with their thoughts and feelings. They felt safe in the presence of their peers, safe from ridicule and safe from antagonism. Instead of focusing on competition, they learned to be supportive and cooperative.

Mrs. Phillips was also a valued member of some of my KEEP THE CONNECTIONSM WORKSHOPS FOR PARENTS AND OTHER CAREGIVERS where she introduced her technique. The parents enjoyed the practice as much as the children did and what they gained from such a show of support and appreciation is immeasurable. They gained self-confidence. They came to appreciate their own worth, not only as individuals who were growing and learning, but as important contributing members of our little community. And they felt good about themselves.

So is competition a bad thing? It may not be bad in and of itself, but it is certainly made to look bad when television sports announcers refer to winning in terms of "beating," "killing," "demolishing," "stomping," "trouncing," "pulverizing," and the like. The kind of praise Michael Phelps received for his eight gold medal success at the Summer Olympics was devoid of such language. And from all accounts, Michael was more focused on conquering his own records for speed than in destroying the other swimmers. There is a time and place for friendly competition to encourage children to do their best. There's excitement in competing and children enjoy the dynamic tension that arises from it. But when they also practice supportiveness and take delight in the success of others, they add balance and harmony, and civility, and kindness, and generosity to their lives and to the lives of others.